on the road

well I'll be on the road again see you in 10 days to two weeks

mom's spirit

Someone asked me, how can you believe in God? My answer is easy, you don't know my mother, sweet Anna Bernice Saylor Brock. She has been touched by God's spirit and I have been touched by her spirit. One example, I was driving home from work and felt like someone was standing on my chest. I knew it was my mother. I called her and she said, " I've been praying for you." I told her that whatever she was praying about was okay now. I felt peaceful with joy in my heart. I feel that way now. If you know my mother, I 'm sure that you too have been touched by her and felt her spirit.
I sat reading to my mom from the bible her last few days and I was guided to this verse. In Gal. 5-6, Faith which worketh by Love. This may be translated, Faith that shows itself through Love. I felt that this verse was my mother, her faith showed it self through her love.
We must say good by to my mom's physical being, but I know that her spirit, God's spirit will always be with me.
She said many times, as she drifted into her own world the last few years, that she was going to climb the hill to find her little boy and cross the river to the other side. I'm sure she is on the other side of the river with Jesus. So I can't be sad.
I want to thank you Jesus for sharing my mom with us for as long he did. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

mom is dead

Mom passed away. I was by her side. It was peaceful.
I know that her spirit will be with me always.
I long for the peace of the past.
The perfect past where all is good.
I guess that I have more to do and say to change my grief to happiness. I will always be aware of my mom's love and feel lucky to be shielded by her love. I want to share it with all.

no less

My mom is dying, she is 90. She has a bleeding stroke,

i have looked
at the face of death
again
must i die again
does death always win
it has made me sad
a gloom that pervades
my soul
i long for this pain
to be removed
but i cannot ask
for the end of life
i stand ready to accept it
but unwilling to embrace it
i turn my head
to avoid its eyes
for i can look at death
but i do not want death
looking at me
but could i smile
i would
for if this pain
was avoidable
my life would return to bliss
i long to take your hand
and be able to lift you from
this paleness
but i only stand
ignored
waiting for this journey
to end
but i have no power
no control
i look in the mirror
and know that at my turn
i too will fight
to the end
for one more breathe
and will hold dear life
to my bosom
but i do not
want to battle death
now or then
i do not want to watch this current lifebattle
i sit quietly and wait
for i can do
no more or
no less

losing my memory

I'm losing my memory
time is just a blur
and i only seem to remember
the good things
life was always good
and love filled the air
my kids are the best
and always were
i remember the hugs and kisses
the trees i climbed
the games i played
it was always summer
and school was so far removed
there are so many things to remember
i'm glad i'm losing my memory

lost in time

C left today, He is doing well.

I was in the water today and I felt as if I was lost in time. It was as if time was the water and I was not moving with it. I could just pop up at any place in time. It is a weird concept but I was still and the world was moving past me. I could just pop out and be unchanged.

i closed my eyes and my mind relaxed. I was in a quiet place, like I guess how it feels to be in a womb. No cares, concerns or worries. This was so relaxing, I feel truly alive.

a new sunset

I watched the setting sun and all my feelings were new. I felt as if I had never seen the day end before. I sang a song of joy.
What I see is new. what I feel is different. Who I am can not be the same.
Hopefully, better, but at least good.
I can only do what I do. I can not control others. I can only hope that they understand that I want good things, kind, gentle and sweet.

Funny-sad story. They put my wife's headstone up. They put it on the wrong grave. I guess this shows that my wife is not in charge anymore. And I guess neither am I. They moved it to the right place.

C is arriving tonite, so it will be Monday before I blog again.

spoiled

I really feel like that spoiled little kid, that I never liked.
What have I done do deserve this life?
If I had a potion that would let me do what I wanted, why would I do this?
Is this a lucky chance, or is this God's will?
Is my well-being based on others misfortune?

I saw the sunset and it felt good.
I felt the warm surf and it felt good.
Open my eyes, Lord. Open my mind.
I beg forgiveness, for I deserve nothing.

Cure me, O Lord for I am spoiled.

nutrix

Nutrix please write more blog, I love boo.

The sky was clear and the temperature was perfectly pleasant with a light breeze blowing. Is this some tropical isle? No, just gulf side Florida, my new home.
We walked on the beach and picked some sea shells from the sand. We were ready to stand in the the warm and mild surf, with sand shifting between our toes. suddenly, dark clouds rolled in portending of rain and no sunset. A shared sunset was our purpose, a simple , but elegant way of spending an evening. We turned to walk back when we saw fins flash in the water. Shark, no, but dolphins. The mother in the lead with her calf swimming her synchronized routine, and following is the male. We see the clouds roll out the way in time for a most unusual sunset. They made the sun look a most odd shape.
Then on for a ice cream dessert made with wine. We tried six different flavors, I want to try every dessert every thought of, in every flavor.
I only have one problem. what do I do with my hands while standing looking at the sun set. I put one in my pocket, then shift it onto my hip, my waist band and behind my back. Perhaps, my friend has the same problem and can help me find a solution.

foam green

The water at the beach was foam green, so clear you could see the bottom. The wind was slowly blowing. I found a shady spot under some trees at the edge of the beach. I laid down and let my mind relax. Yes, this is life at the beach. Today was a great day.
The world swirls around me with people working and hiding for a few days. What are they searching for, the better life.
My life may not be better than it was. I have less possessions and less stress. I wake up late and go to bed late. I guess I am not contributing to society in a fiscal way, but I offer to you my writing as a gift. Float on the cloud and follow the dream. My day is quiet and my mind is clear.
My day is filled with dreams. I am living mine. Sunshine and smiles, a way of life.

the voice of a woman

I heard the voice of a woman, I just sat and did nothing. I don't understand.
I really didn't have anything to do and I didn't do anything.
I didn't go to the beach or worry about a sunset.
I heard the voice of a woman.
I hope to hear it again tomorrow.
I'm gonna try to go to the beach early.

sunday nice

I felt the wind in my face
turning my head to listen for your voice
I heard your words
and I listened with great attend
I felt my emotions
and I didn't know what to think
your words caused me to want to hear more
just conversation, so missed
is this what I am looking for
for a friend to ease the pain
that I thought was healing faster than
exposing my heart anew
will I be afraid to pursue
I'm trying to say
that the words were good
but what I need to know
were they good for you

sunset cruise

Well, I am finally done with the yard. I went to the beach and laid in the sun, watched the waves, walked in the surf.
Tonite M took me on a sunset cruise. We were able to go on an island and look for shells, found tons, didn't keep any. Walked it the warm surf and watched a beautiful sunset.
I am really amazed at what great pleasure it brings me.
Watched a movie at home went to bed late.
must
be
paradise.

tgif

Well for all the working class, I know that you are glad it is Friday. Actually, so am I . I have a real full week with the yard boy stuff and am looking forward to our Saturday routine.
I have a lunch date on Sunday and I will be nervous as I haven't had a date in 39 yr.
As c says, it is, what it is.
Well the excitement of the day has waned and I find myself feeling very good.
So I hope good dreams and sweet music for all.

yard boy two

I did yard boy duty today. Not quite done but close.
Rubbing my legs, got cramps. I'm not used to all this bending and pulling.
Should be done tomorrow.
I got emails from my god child and my niece, both telling me that they liked my poem and they appreciate the emotion.
So that made my day, but I got nothing to write tonite.
So no beach, no sunset, just hard work.
That's just today, I'll work on it tomorrow.

yard boy

I went to the beach early and got back early.
I felt really great, after last night my head was so clear.
Then t, my god daughter wrote to say that my poems help her and make her feel good.
I am on cloud nine.
I decided to do yard boy duties and so I spent most of the evening raking leaves and cleaning gutters. More yard work tomorrow. Gonna get done so I can hit the beach.
The beach is always there, we just have to take the time to enjoy it. So it goes with life.

How do I explain

I had a busy day today. Got my 50" plasma today, CeCe was really enjoying it. I got a brand new toy.
Went to beach and enjoyed a gorgeous sunset.
As I was walking in the warm surf, I had some thoughts.

How do you explain a wave. It spends it's whole life rushing to shore. It has ups and downs and changes. It ignores the wind and sky, birds, planes, ships. It just comes crashing onshore only to dissipate and be followed by yet another wave.
Seems like everyone has questions. How can I explain, would you understand? If we hold hands and look at the oceans, do you see what I see or feel what I feel? Do you understand happiness or wonderful? What color and shape is love? I didn't laugh because I was alone. I did smile and feel good, because I wasn't lonely for I am loved I have more love to experience.
So close your eyes and take my hand, experience the sunset, the warm surf and the soft sand between you toes. Feel my love, as you feel the touch of my lips on your cheek, and the calm in my heart.

I went home and had orange sherbet for dessert.

Yes, it was a busy day.

CeCe day

Today was CeCe day. She did not go to school today, m brought back from an appointment at 11 am and we watched Finding Nemo, again. Then we took a nap, I was quite surprised that she didn't fuss, but since it was me and her, I guess it was different. We then went to the duck pond and then she played on the slides.
No beach. No songs. No poems. Just enjoying life.

not a normal weekend

Well at least, I wasn't bored. Rain Saturday, put together our TV stand or should say, I sorta helped Cy. I have so little mechanical ability that I see most things backwards or upside down.
We went to eat and I had ribs again. Spaghetti today, my favorite.
Sunday, I was supposed to have a lunch date, but crazy things happened and I bailed out.
I went to beach and enjoyed the nice weather.

I don't want to hurt you
don't want to say no
but I'm afraid of what I'm feeling
and I'm not ready to let go
my past is all I know
the future has lied before
so what you are offering
is it less or more

tell me the answer
don't look at me that way
I want to know
should I go or stay
I'm afraid to feel this way again
afraid to fall
I can't gamble on it
nothing or all

Rainy day

Well, everyday at the beach is great. However, today was a little rough. Since I am a die hard, I walked to the beach in the rain. When I got to the beach the wind was blowing pretty hard, I left about a hour early to go home and get dry.We have tropical Barry coming so tomorrow will be more rain. They say it is good because we are at drought levels, this will help.
Since today was my birthday, my daughter bought cake(cheesecake 6 kinds), she knows I want to try them all.
Watched the movie Forgotten, guess if you saw, you're saying, I'm trying to forget it. They just don't explain plot well enough, gets kinda sci-fi.