not ready

it took me this long to get here
I wasn't ready before now
I realize that if we had met
even a year ago
nothing would have happened
you would had not known the real me
I would have not searched out
your inner feelings
few words would have been said
if any
fences would have been in place
boundaries set
perhaps things would have developed
but probably not
I feel as if a dream was fulfilled
a dream I didn't know
or understand
so I sometimes look around
to assure myself that this is real
I feel
so complete
I was prepared
I was trained
the time is right
but not before now

need want desire

I heard the words
I said the words
but nothing changed
and everything changed
now is more permanent
the future is possible
sharing is what it is
where it was searching before
now it is found
say the words again
inhale the essence
and ingest the meaning
continue to consume the emotion
while touching the moment
the emotion leads the way
not joy
nor peace
more a lack of hunger
a cause to sit
ponder maybe question
or is it relief
no need to run
or chase
to try to impress
I am found
accepted
it is acceptance
yes complete acceptance
is that what I was looking for
maybe I am not sure
of what it is
I am just positive
that I have what I need want desire

like a child
I lay next to you
holding on
never wanting to move
because
I only want to live in the now
like a child
I do not know tomorrow
because all I know is today
I don't want to stop what I am doing
sleep is just an annoyance
like a child
I run to you with open arms
wanting a hug and a kiss
then I want to play
for as a child this all I know
like a child I want to grow up
but it seems so far away
that it is just a dream
no reality in the future
I live so contently in the now
my life is full of love
full of laughter
full of smiles
if I hurt
a hug eases the pain
If I stumble
I am righted again
there is no failure
there is no time
there is only the now
let me be
like a child again

trying to accept

trying to accept
first I have to realize
that I can't change what happened
that I have no control over
some events
and that the events that
I think I have control over
are subject to change
changes I didn't count on
changes I'm not prepared for
then I have to accept God's will
if I can
I can find the strength
I am weak and make too many mistakes
I start in the wrong direction
and don't know where I am
lastly
accept the fact that good things
can happen
and enjoy them
don't ask why
I'm trying to accept
where I am
and who I am
I must accept the good I have
I'm trying to accept

lonely beach

went to the beach
a lonely beach
only a few shell hunters
and a couple watching
the sunset
no clouds and a near winter sun
a bright ball that turned golden
for a few moments then fell out of view
a moment of color
then darkness
I ventured into the water
to have the wavws wash over my feet
not the warm summer feeling
but pleasant all the same
no hand to hold
no lips to kiss
no smile to enjoy
no chance to hear a gentle word
don't feel sorry because all is well
just settling into a different
territory
maybe tomorrow I will
sing
or laugh
now just a slow walk
with sand on my feet