kinda hard

kinda hard to write about beach life
when it rained all day
held my grandchild in my arms
as we caught a few minutes of sun
then the rain started
I had another great night
life is good
except sometimes
the kids cry
and it seems like
I can only be in
one place at a time
and I always
turn into a pumpkin

how can I say what I feel

How can I say what I feel
the full feeling in my heart
makes me not want to move
I had to leave
but only because
I can only be so lucky
I can't have every second of every day
but I am so happy
that I had today
the beautiful night
and a glorious moon
I don't know what to say
Just tell me that we are O K

sand

I lay on the sand
I walk on the sand
I put my toes in the sand
the moon shines overhead
the waves crash on the shore
I turn to face my life
am I sure
I think so
I feel the pleasure
like I was sixteen
and never had real feelings before
did my life start anew
a warm breeze cools my brow
I head for home
the sand will be here tomorrow

the pain of love

the pain of love
is never knowing when it will leave
it always does
sometimes it stays a long time
or just a moment
I have loved and known its warmth
I have known the loss of love
and the distress it causes
but I yearn to love again
and try each day
don't hold on too tight
but know that eventually it will let go
come again to me sweet love
hold my hand
share the joy
share the pain
but share the time most of all

a new baby

saw a new baby
getting burped
and then fed
she was the cutest thing
a miracle occurred
the cord was in a knot
but fate intervened
a new life
trying to show the way
for an old to follow
trust in faith
question not
follow blindly
continue loving

I thought

I thought I had all the answers
that I was not lonely
that I was strong
I was going to be a man
Now I'm not sure of exactly what I feel
I just know that
it is strong
stronger than I thought I could ever feel again
the water is nicer
the moon more beautiful
the beach more inviting
the food tastes better
and dessert so sweet
the night doesn't last long enough
a big sigh
each day must end
because another is ready to begin

rain

it is rainy season so it is much harder to go to the beach
so I won't bore you with that
maybe tomorrow

moon over the water

moon over the water
shone so brightly
reflecting on the waves
the beating of the waves on shore
and fireworks in the distance
the touch was so soft
as to the point of distraction
now here I sit
wondering if it is true
is it real
or will I awake soon

dreams of ribs dancing in my head

dreams of ribs dancing in my head
I have been reading about the restaurants by the beach
they all serve ribs
maybe sat nite
Friday nite is sit on the beach and look at the moon nite
wish you were here

my lady bug

another lovely sunset

today I saw another lovely sunset
I lay quietly as time sped by
I was unmoved and unhurried
saying good bye till another day
if only I see the moon
so shimmering in the sky
listening to a heartbeat
and a soft sigh
would I be happier if the sun said
hello
or if the sky wrote out messages with the clouds
only if I could feel the warmth
and not the pain

someone told me

someone told me
that life is a game
and we are but players
I guess I haven't figured out my role yet
or I am so bad at it that even I don't understand the lines
I keep looking for the playwright to tell me what to say
the director to tell me what to do
the producer to find the meaning
but all I have are questions
the answers never seem to find me
If I smile am I really happy
if I frown do I feel bad inside
maybe its just gas and my stomach is ruling my emotions
if anyone understands any of this
can you clue me in
or at least tell me my next line

RAIN

Some days are rainy days. Guess what, today it rained.
That means no sunset, no walk to the beach, and no sun.
I'm trying to get back to normal after leaving parts of my heart in Chicago and Lake Charles.
Death is such an unforgiving foe. You can't beat it. It takes so much and gives nothing. They say the person is at peace, but it takes a piece of my heart with each passing.
I ask not understanding, only the ability to continue on.
Dear Lord, I pray that my soul is prepared for your taking. I ask for the healing of my heart and soul. My mind is unable to comprehend the finality of death and the uncertainty of life.
I choose to live and that means I will face death again and probably again and again.
Let me learn to accept your will and steel my resolve so that thy will be done.

almost

I almost held an angel last night
I have this feeling that I was holding someone
the memory is hazy
and I not sure it is real
I think she laid her head on my chest
but I'm not sure
am I just wishing
am I just hoping
I don't remember her saying my name
I do know that I feel something good
I feel so calm
so peaceful
I'm sure that if I held an angel
I would feel this way
so I almost remember holding an angel

it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter
where we're at
I don't want to leave

it doesn't matter
what you say
I want to hear it

it doesn't matter
if it is said or unsaid
only that we feel it

it doesn't matter
if I go or stay
only that I see you again

it doesn't matter
that I can't resist
cause I don't know what is next

it doesn't matter
that I can't breathe
only that you call

I kissed the sea breeze

I kissed the sea breeze
so soft and tender
a delicate taste of tenderness
my heart raced
I heard the pounding waves
the soft warm night breeze
touched my lips
in the distance
lighting flashed
suddenly a shooting star
I made a wish
that this night would never end
it did last a long time
now I will have to try
to live a tomorrow that was as good as
this yesterday

feel so tired

Yes, I feel so tired. I guess I 'm still carrying the weight of so much loss.I allowed myself a beautiful sunset tonight. I felt its beauty but didn't feel its release. I wanted to hold her hand but alas, there was no one there. I feel a pain in my heart. I long to feel happy or my old bliss. I just write words and nothing feels good. So, touch me sweet woman. Touch my soul. I know that I will be in your arms again soon. I long for your kiss. I long for your touch. I long to hear your voice again. Am I ready to know you. I must be patient and let the feelings grow. You can't grow a flower in a day.Hopefully, the sunset tomorrow will be beautiful. I know it will be if your hand is in mine.

angel in disguise

we sat watching an angel in disguise
we were all prepared to cry
i was proud to be included in the band
we watched and waited

i felt that i had not finished
what was started
so many years ago
i had been brought back

pulled from the edge of escape
to face my remaining fate
no fires were left burning
no prayer left unanswered

i prayed for the end of pain
i prayed for acceptance of partings
but to no avail
only God knows the plan
and i sit in the corner waiting

for surely his word would be just
but life must take its own course
and i question not the plan
but it is hard to accept

i didn't feel relief
i didn't feel comfort
i only drove away
my heart had been emptied

i can only look back
and feel proud and honored
to have shared two lives
that were so full

i love the remaining five
and as long as they are alive
i will count my self
as an unofficial Leblanc

i only want

i only want to not be here
i only want what i don't have
i only want to have what i lost
i only want to change back to the same
i only want the future
i only want to see your smile
i only want the smile that was taken from me
i only want my butterfly to be free
i only want a hand to hold
i only want to see what is in your heart
i only want to wash away your tears
i only want to feel your pain
i only want to view your fears
i only want to live always one more day
i only want you to know me
i only want to feel what i want
i only want to be a vibration in your soul
i only want you to exist
i only want to dream
i only want to awake
i only want to sleep
i only want my fear to be gone
i only want to see what remains
i only want to hear the sound of music
i only want some enchanted evening
i only want five kinds of dessert
i only want sand between my toes
i only want a sunset
i only want to give you what you want
i only want what i have

like a little puppy

I want her to pat my head

and tickle my tummy

take me for a walk on the beach

and then feed me a treat

I'd wag my tail

and lick her hand

then her face

and she's laugh

at my silly yelp

and snuggle me close

then rub me behind my ears

it sure is nice being

p-ann's puppy