thoughts

trying to sort out my feelings

said i was in love

but now i don't know

do i want everything

or is nothing better

can i be happy being sad

or do i have any feelings at all

i know that in her arms i feel good

shutting out the rest of the world

but then i leave and i don't know

what i want

i need that slap in the face

the pain of reality

some hardness that hurts

i want to feel

without the fear

for i know that someone will be hurt

and of that i'm not afraid

but being alone is a different kind of hurt

i just can't stop

why can't i feel safe

or is all of this a lie

i hold her

and enjoy her

and tell her i love her

but i don't tell her i am afraid

i don't want her to know

for if i tell her the truth

then i will have to face it

face the loss of love

that i had before

am i over the hurt

not pain but hurt

my heart was torn from me

am i past that

i thought i was

i say i am

so afraid to be without love

have i said too much

too soon

or am i afraid that i am in love

and the past is really gone

and the present is what i am hiding from

what am i feeling

just don't know